The Nine Parts of Speech and the F-Word

You might have missed the nine parts of speech in school if, like me, you couldn't always sit still and just face the board the whole of your childhood. But, it's an essential lesson for anyone who needs to write often or write well.

woman with forkTo remedy these gaps in your educational achievement, Peevish Penman has provided this lesson in algospeak. There is one detail:


We will also be proving definitively that one word in the English dictionary can be used to fill each and every one of the nine parts of speech and that word is fork, as it rhymes with duck.


A noun is a word used to name something: a person/animal, a place, a thing, or an idea. For example: What a forker. The word forker is the noun. There are many different types of nouns. Nouns can be singular or plural.

for fork’s sake vs. stupid forks

In this example, when we ask the question for whose sake the answer is for fork, which denotes a single individual rather than many as in many stupid forks. Nouns can be common or proper.

What a fork vs. He is the Fork of all forks

Proper nouns are capitalized, as you can observe. Nouns can also be concrete or abstract. A dumb fork would be an example of a concrete noun because the noun in question is a tangible person with a physical existence. In contrast, the word fork in the question who the fork does not relate to any material object of a known size, shape, or quantity and is therefore abstract as an idea like justice or perspicacity.

Nouns can also be gerunds, which generally end in “ing.” Please note that this applies only when the word fills the role of a noun, not “ing” verbs, often preceded by the word am. In this example, the word forking functions clearly as a noun: I am forking fine. And here it does NOT: He is forking.


Another important part of speech is the pronoun. They are words that replace nouns and eliminate the need for repetition. The most common way to employ the word fork as a pronoun is by determining which noun is being replaced and adding the word that in front of fork.

In the sentence, John went to the bakery and bought a loaf of bread. We simply have to replace John with a word. He went to the bakery… is the most common choice of pronoun. Still, as our language shifts to reflect the changing times, it is becoming increasingly more common to see the word he passed over in favor of the following example:

That fork went to the bakery and bought a loaf of bread.

In this situation, the pronoun is a personal pronoun that replaces the sentence's subject. Personal pronouns may be subjects, objects, or possessives. It is also a demonstrative pronoun because it indicates a noun.

Q: Which fork?
A: That fork.

Reflexive pronouns name a receiver of an action that is identical to the doer of the action. One example of a sentence without the use of a pronoun would be Jennifer walked her dog all by Jennifer’s self today. This repetition is cumbersome and problematic but easily solved with a reflexive pronoun. Indeed, it's more effectively expressed by substituting Jennifer’s self with a reflexive pronoun such as herself or by saying:

Jennifer walked her dog all by her own forking self today.

Indefinite Pronouns refer to non-specific persons and things as in: Bruce and Sonali kissed one a-forking nother.

Interrogative pronouns introduce questions such as: Who the fork? Which fork? What forker? How the fork? Whose forking? To whom the fork?

It can, of course, be argued that these examples of interrogative pronouns do not employ the word fork distinctly and necessarily; however, the fact that each statement can and does regularly stand alone as a question proves its independence from other parts of speech. Each form a complete question requires no other words to make sense and solicit a sensical response. Even more, in today’s language use, it is common to forgo the formal distinctions
between these previous examples for an all-encompassing:


It is often used when someone wants the answer to the question but knows they’re not going to get it. In this case, it is most appropriate to draw out the “u” sound for emphasis that it is not an interjection, another important but distinct part of speech.

Relative pronouns introduce dependent clauses and refers to a person or thing already mentioned in the sentence (i.e. the antecedent). e.g whoever the fork, whomever the fork, which forking, that fork.... The concept can be further applied for this sort of pronoun.


An adjective modifies (describes) a noun or pronoun.

What a forking fork.

They can form comparisons, normally preceded by more or be used to form superlatives, commonly expressed with the word most as in:

That was more forked up than anything I’ve ever seen.
That was the most forked up thing I have ever seen.


Verbs generally express action or a state of being. There are several classifications for verbs- action verbs,/linking verbs, main verbs/auxiliary verbs, transitive/intransitive and phrasal verbs. Probably the word fork began as a verb; although, the etymology of the word has been debated and somewhat unclear as writers, editors, and publishers neglected using the word prior to the advent of the internet.

Main verbs stand alone as in: fork him.

The verb tense in the previous sentence is called imperative and expresses a command. Auxiliary verbs, also called helping verbs, serve as support to the main verb.

My ex-boyfriend just forking draws all day.

Verbs can be transitive or intransitive. Transitive Verbs require a direct object in order to make sense to the listener or reader: Hassan forks up. Means nothing without an object such as everything: Hassan forks up everything.

Intransitive Verbs do not need direct objects to make them meaningful. For example: Sarah forks. In this case we do not need any clarification as to what Sarah forks in order to ascertain that she is not chaste.

An adverb is a word that modifies an action verb, an adjective or another adverb.

He/she is forking forked.

In this case forked is the noun, which forking modifies.

Relative adverbs introduce questions and dependent adverbial clauses. They answer the questions: fork when? and fork where?

fork when I had to go get my car fixed…

Again it is important to distinguish between the usage in the previous sentence and when it is used as an interjection. The way we can tell that fork is not being used as an interjection depends on a combination of the speed at which the person uses the word and punctuation. The same sentence punctuated differently would transform fork into an interjection: fork! When I had to go get my car fixed… This sentence reads differently and is pronounced differently, because the word fork functions differently.


There are seven coordinating conjunctions: For forking, And forking, nor forking, but forking, or forking, yet forking, so forking.

Keisha eats ham sandwiches but forking Mike prefers tuna.

Without the words but forking, the sentences would be separated as: Keisha eats ham sandwiches. Mike prefers tuna.

In this case, forking could precede Mike as an adjective that describes him, but it does not have to do so. Always consider the writer or speaker’s intent. If forking Mike is not something the speaker would usually use in their expressions but forking is a common feature, the word fork has most certainly been employed by the person to join two sentences and therefore formed and integral part of a conjunction.

Correlative conjunctions also join ideas, but they work in pairs. They are: Both forking…and forking, neither…forking nor, forking whether…or, either forking…or, not forking only…but forking also.


Prepositions are words that, like conjunctions, connect a noun or pronoun to another word in a sentence. The easiest way to determine whether or not a word is a preposition is with the phrase:

Anywhere a mouse can go…

But more often we compile lists to gain a clearer view of what words function together as prepositions. Some common prepositions: About, Before, Down, Into, Through, Above, Behind, During, Like, To, Across, Below, Except, Of, Toward, After, Beneath, For, Off, Under, Among, Beside, From, On, Up, Around, Between, In, Over, With, At, By, Instead of, Since, Without, and fork.

So, where’s the mouse?
Fork if I know.


Articles are the, a, an, and fork.

As you can see the article the is virtually interchangeable with the word fork:

The face sees its reflection in the mirror.
fork face sees its reflection in the mirror.


Interjections are words used to express emotional states. They can usually be found in narrative writing, interviews, and in spoken English. They can stand alone. As we’ve previously alluded that would be:

forking awesome!

Here's a poem to help you remember them all:

The Nine Forks of Speech

Three little words forks you often see,
Are articles- a, an, and the.

A noun's the name of anything
As school, garden, hoop, fork, or swing.

An forking adjectives tell the kind of noun-
Great, small, pretty, white, or brown.

Instead of nouns the pronouns stand-
Her face, your arm, fork head, my hand.

Verbs tell of something to be done,
To read, to fork, sing, jump, or run.

How things are done, the adverbs tell,
As slowly, quickly, ill, forked up, or well.

Conjunctions join words together,
As in men and forking women, wind or forking weather.

The prepositions stand before
A noun, as, at, or through forking door.

The interjection shows forking shows surprise,

As ah fork! How forking pretty- Oh fork! how wise. 

The forks are forked nine parts fork speech,

Which forking, forking, forking fork.

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